Crazy till 25...

Well... after I wrote "A Look Back"... I actually thought it only two more year to 25… just two more… why not live the way I wanna live it… crazily...

Upasana: 'U r crazy', my friends often call me! That's the most interesting part doing unpredictable weirdo wale things...

Doing the things we actually want to do...

If u ask me.. I am actually fed up from the way "how I am supposed to live"... Illusion living that not just me but everyone creates... we all… in order to act/behave like "normal" citizens of normal society...

Come on... there isn't anyone in this world who has time to chart my sanity or for that matter my insanity... (not talking about the Good God!)

Who cares... whether I punch, gym, drove high, put the ear-deaf music...

Whom on this earth we are trying to impress???

None, right... It’s better to be bitten for what u r… then to be appreciated for what u r not...

And people who matters KNOW u... so let the rest of the world… R.I.P....

There is a part inside all of us that likes to be totally crazy... totally geared up to full speed to wildness...

Let's get that part of the box to the platter...

Things I think... are really wacky … I know after a while I'll b glad I did them…Man I had guts to bite them.... that abnormal something of the society...

I might feel a bit dizzy or guilty... thinking about the people who care for me...or m answerable to...However the fact is... I want to do them...

I am a lil nut… here are the nuts I wanna grap...

1. Wanna shout at top of my voice till my throat swells....

2. Dance in the moonlight...

3. Sneaking out of home, spending whole night with friends...

4. Laugh till my stomach pains and eyes flow

5. Drive alone @ 2 in night on full speed on a highway...

6. Do some bike stunts.... wheelie stoppie, high stand, burn-out...

7. Paint my room myself with different colors...

8. Go on long drive say anywhere some 400-500 kms in open car… driving in turns…

9. Have a most perfect date, with candle-lit dinner and violins and belly dancers on a beach...

10. Whistle and clap in the movie hall to the fullest...

11. Laugh at any one passing by...

12. To live in a tree house...

13. Go camping, under the stars...

14. Watch the scariest movies in night show...

15. Go roaming around the world... Back-packer style...

16. Make a popat of a policewala...

17. Talking non-stop about nothing from day till night...

18. Putting Maggie all over my friends hair...

19. Making my friends sing Happy B'day like the typical school classroom style...

20. Opening a champagne and popping the cock on sum1's head!

wowo....

 (Few others, which I prefer keeping offline... :P)

List done, Fun Undone...

Cheers!!

Regret......

Sometimes in life we become so blindfolded about things that we love and run after, that we forget to see in what ways is it corrupting us……and at the end of it all, we never find the things we were actually running after, because it was never ours anyway, but we end up becoming something that we were actually not.

So one fine day when we realize that a wild goose chase has done us no good, it has infact consumed all our energy and vibrancy, it has made us do bad to people who actually cared, who were there with us all along, but we never noticed them because we took them for granted in this maddening chase, we realize that they all have already moved too far, and you are left with nothing, no energy, vibrancy or trust from people who actually cared.

So what do you do then?

Apologize to people whom you have hurt badly?

That won’t be the solution I guess…..

the best thing possible that could be done now is to pave the way that you broke while running, putting each stone step by step, making sure that nobody ever falls again from the road of trust that you have built.

And maybe that would be the best thing that you could do for people who actually cared.

Amen!!

A Look Back...

I'm currently suffering from this typhoid fever... A blessing in disguise is... I got time to sit and think about myself... Something I rarely do.. reasons well, are unknown... What I actually realized while gazing on the cupola of my room, lying on the bed is.. Girl, you are gonna be 25 in just next 2 years!!!

OMG...

It just seemed that my life just flied by so fast that I hardly had time to catch my breath...There is an old saying that you need to "stop and smell the roses" and it is so true. The first ten years of my life as I reflect on them took forever to pass... I don't have clue of the world life... all mattered was family, friends, toys....
The next five passed a little quicker and the next five just vanished...

Now I find myself thinking about the years I have left and I don't want to waste them.... None of us have promised bouquets for tomorrow or even kisses for today...

Think about all the hours we waste on saying stupid hurtful things to our loved ones (and why, are we just tired?). Think about the hours and days we waste on TV or selfish things that steal time from our families or our walk with the Lord. Actually, nothing is wrong with some "me" time as long as "you" don't forget who "me" is...

Sometimes...A look back is required, in order to realize... how far you have come!! :P

What Are PROBLEMS????

Life….Life is full of problems…each one among has some problem or other. And each and every problem of ours’ seems to be a big hurdle to us. Everyone among us is fighting a battle every day in some way. Imagine life without problems, it will be utopia… ah! Perfect life… but perfection is so boring… Problems make us alive!

So, what basically is P.R.O.B.L.E.M.S?

Predictors: They help mold our future.

Reminders: We are not self- sufficient. We need good and others to help.

Opportunities: They pull us out of our root and cause us to think creatively.

Blessings: They open up doors we usually don’t go through.

Lessons: Each new challenge will be our teacher.

Everywhere: No place or person is excluded from them.

Messages: They warn us about potential disaster.

Solvable: No problem is without a solution.



What all in can say is…

Life is a twister…Accept it... Bear it… Live it... When problems smile at you… Give them your best smile…!!!


Keep Smiling... :)

Toast....

... to today that feels like new pleasant first day of Spring...

... to the perfectly imperfect girl who wants change...

... to Ma for all the nagging and that morning’s inadvertant push...which has been fruitful now....

... to the crap song that I seem to like....

... to the new lifestyle-denoting acronym which isn’t one anymore....

... to the rediscovered colouring book and my poems....

... to the starred email in my inbox, typed with “Infy”....

... to the “bestest” friend who should be on a gondola at sunset under the Bridge of Sighs right now...

... to the recharge battery who owes me a big hot chocolate fudge for this...

... to the “full-time friend”, my telepathic co-pilot with the Midnight Phone Call syndrome...

... to 2 o’ clock nights...
I offer no explanation, but I am very kicked, zinged,verved....
I’ve wanted to start afresh for a very long time....

So, I do...all garbage OUT...

Why Grass is Greener on other Side...

Food for thought...
So this long break has been pretty relaxing.... I have had the time to give some thought to things i wouldn't otherwise think about..maybe..I don't know...

I have often heard people (me being among those people) whine and complain about how the grass is always greener on the other side..is it really the case though???maybe???? I don't know...
When i was younger...much younger..say about 7 or 8 I would look at my parents and my elder sibling and want to be grown up...now I am 21...grown up, most people would agree....Is this really what i wanted when I was little? All these responsibilities and independence? At this point i think i would give a hand and a leg to go back to being 5 or 6 or even younger. Not have a worry in the world, get away with anything I do cause everyone else thinks it is cute...would't that be wonderful????

School....as I started to understand things...My dreamworld broke into pieces...I always disliked school for that initally...those big boring assemblies...those tests....P.T. sessions....ehhh....I hated the fact that I had to read the history book...then those big chemistry books later...uhh...I never wish to hold these books again in my life...But, as the years part by I started to enjoy the school....the teachers...the canteen rounds..those amazing group of friends whom you never wish to leave....On the farewell day...when I came back home...when I actually felt...its going to be over....At that point, I would give anything to just be in school forever....to be with those kind of friends forever...

Then my parents decided to send me to college and hostel followed.... I hated it when i was there. Couldn't wait to get the hell out of hostel that we often compared to a jail.... We hated the food, hated the routein, hated the warden, hated almost everything that was associated with it other than our friends. Finally I graduated this year and then I remember crying like the world was ending.... Suddenly the food seemed to be the best food ever, the teachers, our support system and friends of course are the best friends we will ever make....

Then for the last three months all I have ever wanted was to go back to hostel.... Its the same feeling of not wanting to grow up that I had when i left school.... I love it and I miss everything about the chats, the food, the music, the parties, the hang outs, the teachers, friends...everything, yet it seems like I could do with another year or two... I think it may be that I am not ready to let go....cause I don't know when I will ever see them again.... I am not trying to justify why I feel the way I feel rather i am just wondering if the grass once again seems to be greener on the other side...

That being said, I'm yet to have a job with Infosys and I have a year commitment to the corps, ofcourse if the training goes all gaga....eventhough its my dream job...again all I ever want to do is not to leave home and go off to Karnataka for months....knowing the fact that I might not be able to see some most b'utiful faces for a lifetime... Though, I know that when my commitment to the corps is over I will not want to leave.... My job will be tedious and I'll complain a lot about it but going by the record do I'll really want this to be over and to move on??? I am not sure...

Earlier this year when I was close to graduating I needed to figure out my life so I was looking for jobs and applying to different places on net... But as far by now you have even known, I was convinced that when I did find a job it would be very likely that I wouldn't want it.... In that case then it would be much simpler to just not stress about finding a job and figuring out my life since when I would have it i would not want it???? Yet i couldn't just not stress about it coz at that point in time thats all i wanted...isn't that ironic?

So, coming to think of it we humans are really silly...we spend our entire life running behind things we think we want yet when we have it we realize that that is not what we want.... In this quest for one things after another we fail to appreciate what we have some much beautiful colors at hand...happiness, relationships, friendships, our roots and the values that come with it..what not. How many times have we been there for a friend? How many times have we appreciated what we have that millions don't? How many times have we been thankful for a new day? How many times have we tolerated non sense from people that shouldn't matter yet paid no heed to those that care and in turn let go of a friendship, or a relationship? I may be be able to count these on one hand alone yet I have lost count of how often I have chased something I wanted and then not been happy when I have had it....
Appreciate and be thankful....

Thanks for reading...I appreciate your patience... :D

Never ending ladder...

The ladder....be it any ladder..a ladder to success...a ladder of worries...whatever kind of ladder you may talk...you'll agree when I say that Ladder never ends... As we climb up rungs and live under the illusion or fallacy that we’ve secured one more victory in life, we look towards sky and realize the ladder just got longer, the end somewhere out of sight, beyond the clouds… Sky is a limit but then you wish to cross it to...but that's being optimist...
Actually, all your life we can keep climbing the ladder in the quest to reach the top and never get there! This can be perceived in two ways – the optimist’s dream and the pessimist’s nightmare. The optimist sees this as ambition – a way to push oneself towards achieving more and more. The pessimist knows that this means being insatiable – never satisfied with what one has in life....but that's life...choose it anyway...

While on the way up, a hand may be extended at us for help. Grab it and help, because one good turn deserves another. Once we are higher, we might need a helping hand ourself. It is also true that at every rung scaled, a mad multitude of hands will crop out of nowhere to rip, drag & pummel us down somewhere sometime...
Also we all know that, the success of one indeed poisons the minds of many. While many take joy in the success of one, there are others who do not think of how to replicate such success for themselves but plot how to displace the one who’s higher up somewhere on the ladder. Terminally, the seeds of misery are sown & the chalice of woe tipped over. No one emerges a winner. But in the Almighty’s courtyard, there will be justice for all. For one cannot wage a war against one’s destiny, and what is fated to happen shall play itself out.
But the lesson needs to be learnt - Survival is not the sole mantra. Surviving peacefully, with contentment ,without malice towards others is! And this will give you what no amount of wealth or fame can provide – adoration & respect of loved ones and the greatest treasure of them all – Happiness...
Therefore, live the optimist’s dream....

Keep Climbing...Keep Shining...Keep Smiling... :)

Who will Cry when you cry...

Have you ever thought and thought over something so much, that it hurt??????
So much so ,that it leaves you staring at the ceiling wondering if you're on the verge of going insane........ Sometimes all you see is all pervading madness around you, even though its ironically just confined to the realms of your head. You've tried looking at things with an open-mind so much so that you feel that your head's almost falling apart from all that open-ness.....

You feel like you're losing it and are dying for some perspective....
Any perspective, as long as its not yours b'coz you've had too much of that and it actually kills you....
You start to act all clandestine hoping that someone picks up signals and listens to what you're not saying....
Sometimes that doesn't really work, so you try to reach out to you're friends and talk to them, ask them if you are losing it after all, without having them be all judgmental and think that you're on a one way trip to banana-land..
But it isn't all that easy finding a listener, is it????
Who do you confide in? Not all you're million friends are listeners.

The difference between the both hits you like a bus on the road now....... Problems in life aren't rare, so everyone may not be particularly generous in sympathizing with you. You don't blame them though- after all, to each his problem..... You therefore start convincing yourself into not making a big deal out of this and just wait patiently till your head stops spinning. Which it doesn't.....So you just wait, for nothing actually....
Yet amidst all this, someone finds you- a friend, a not-so friend, a random guy who sat beside you on the white bench at the park, someone on your friend's list you haven't struck a conversation with, someone you don't know..... Someone you have absolutely no pretensions with, someone who makes you just split wide open, someone you can just talk to- without the slightest iota fear or shame, someone who breaks the dam, someone who thinks and puts your perspective in place..... Someone who's like a ray of light in that tunnel.....Someone who listens.....

Things that scared you all this while now start to make some sense, if not all, with a lil bit of help from someone.... Any someone....
The clarity you missed all this while brings a smile to your face, You feel like its rained on your garden after years.... You know that it is possible to share some things with some people and not end up feeling like a fool at the end of it.
And suddenly life doesn't seem all that bad..... Life isnt really all that bad come to think of it.
Its all about finding someone though.....just that SOMEONE!!!

7 Life Rules...

We all make loads of mistake in life...and its said that to err is human...also...to learn is human...
I have gone and grown through life,infact, we all have...
There are these 7 rules I'm setting for myself...Hope they are benefical not only for me but for all.....
So, here are my 7 personal Life rules...

1. Make decisions and never look back
Not being able to make crucial decisions, and questioning them afterwards, is a sign of low self-esteem and it always leads to fear and doubt. This can eat a person up.
I will try to make decisions quick and to believe in them. If they turn out to be wrong, I will learn and move on.
Whatever you do, always act, analyze and adopt.

2. Avoid procrastination

Postponing leads to fear, fear to depression. You become passive and are a victim to anything negative that happens in your life.

Action and taking control is the ONLY way out of this vicious cycle.

3. Be grateful for the good things in your life every single day
Appreciation and thankfulness are the two greatest traits one can have. They will ALWAYS bring in positive results.Look around, there are so many things that you can be thankful for. Even if your situation seems hopeless at the moment, there is always something beautiful to appreciate and something to be thankful for. Out of this thankfulness and appreciation often comes something wonderful, unexpected. We’ve witnessed this so many times.

4. Find your inner voice and always act in accordance with it

This is a tough one.

YOUR inner voice is something that is pure, unspoiled by society and your ego. Therefore it will always tell you the truth and the best solution for a situation.
The catch is, that it’s not so easy to filter out your inner voice, because it’s surrounded by fear and insecurity.

I cannot tell how many mistakes I’ve made because I didn’t listen to my inner voice telling me.... NO!

5. Never judge and never validate things, events or people

This life rule is a revelation and will get a HUGE weight from your shoulders if you try this...
I can Promise on this.

6. Always be flexible, say YES more often
There is a movie with Jim Carrey called "Yes Man" where, because of a commitment, he always has to say Yes! to everything for an entire year. During this time, his life turned out in crazy and surprisingly positive ways.
Of course this is just a movie, but the fact is that I left out many positive opportunities in my life because of fear. I often said NO instead of YES.Inflexibility is stopping life from flowing. Being flexible means grabbing opportunities, and opportunities are a way to grow.

Say YES! more often.

7. Always have goals, without goals you are a manless ship heading nowhere
It is of major importance to not only have a life goal, but goals in every area of your life for the near future.

 
Since, I have told you these rules which I wish to follow...you might be thinking what are the benefits to follow these rules...
So here are the benefits or you can say the goals covered by these rules........

• determine the direction in which we want to go and focus on what WE want
• they focus our thinking and energy
• will distract us from negative experiences
• create a positive self-image and increases self-confidence
• make us take charge of our life
• allow that new possibilities will open up
• increase our motivation to carry out all necessary steps to achieve them
• give us measurable results 

Happy Following.... :)

These lyrics are awesome....I feel addicted when I hear this one.......M still High!!


It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, 
you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face
let's me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes
saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me
if ever I fall
You say it best
when you say nothing at all


All day long I can hear 
people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, 
you drown out the crowd
Try as they may they can never define
What's being said between your heart and mine


The smile on your face 
let's me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes 
saying you'll never leave me 
The touch of your hand says
you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best 
when you say nothing at all..

Isn't it just beautiful? You'll fall in luv........

What a Girl Really wants....

You know what really turns a girl on????? So what what your mind says....Kisses and hugs.... Temme if it has to be something.....  More than kisses more than hugs more than anything in this world.....Well, to tell you the fact it is - Honesty.

If you are in a relationship of any kind with a girl - friend, mother, sister, girl friend..anyone,if you are not yourself with her, if you are not honest with her you are gonna lose her respect if not her...

I say only respect and not her because girls have this weird habit of letting it go and giving another chance. For them the relationship is just too important to give up on you that easily...

Even if you go and make out with another girl, even if you are a drug addict, even if you bitched about her, even if you think that you need space, even if you think that she is too possessive..even if you are married to another woman..but you still want to be with her..just come and tell her! believe me she'd eventually forgive you and still love you as much. I mean I know guys who the world thinks can be the best catch, but the reality is they are the biggest jerks of all the times!!!

For God's sake always be honest with her! She expects you to share all your troubles with her. If she's told you that she loves you that automatically means that she's gonna listen to all your troubles and try and make you comfortable as best as she can. Once she has fallen in love with you trust me she has already stopped judging you!! So kindly have the courage to tell her what you truly feel and what blunders you have truly committed! She will scold you only because it hurts to see someone she loves in trouble. You know she'd find out the truth anyway. But if YOU go and tell her, you'd not only feel lighter but also will earn her respect!!!

Even if you are oh-not-so-cool dude, please dont try and act like one!! thats so bloody irritating!!

Plz "Be yourself".... I'd rather marry a simple shirt-pant vala honest guy who has the guts to be himself and accepts what he is than a wannabe dude with so called super cool ultra low waist jeans and chains or whatever u call those ugly things hanging around the belt but doesn't know shit about his roots and is too ashamed to accept that he is originally from, say, some small village near Ramgarh!!

I am not a feminist nor any "Lady Bheem" and well what ever I just said about how girls give another chance and everything might be true for boys too. Basically, the bottom line is I rather we all HATE LIARS and we even HATE PEOPLE WHO PRETEND!!!

Me v/s Myself

Happened before the dream last night...battle of me's and my'selves...

Me: I am tired....
Myself:  No, it is just the Monsoon humidity doing rounds...
Me: But it never happened to me before...
Myself: Yes, sitting in front of the computer without any exercise can do that to you...
Me: I should exercise! go to walk....

Myself: I have heard that one before, more than once actually!
Me: I think I will wake up early tomorrow...
Myself: LOL.
Me: I will. I am going to sleep early...
Myself: Just to exercise or for walking??
Me: No. I have to study too.
Myself: Oh yes, I almost forgot to remind you that your big day is less than 3 months away.
Me: I haven't forgotten but I have just not been able to make the time...(smug)
Myself: It is convenient to make reasons...
Me: Ok, I know I have been a loser.
Myself: But it is not too late. Don't give up in the  last lap....
Me: I am trying.....
Myself: No, you are not but you should. I know I can!
Me: Oh, in all this hopelessness, I have something to look forward to....
Myself: Going to shopping!!
Me: It might just be the break I need. But not exactly it...
Myself: Its meeting friend/s...nah...its confusia...
Me: What is the first thing you think I should do?
Myself: Get your priorities right.
Me: Ok, don't be so mean...

Myself: Isn't it hardwired in me?
Me: Yeah, yeah, but I want it no more now.
Myself: I will try not to be rude if you stick to our word.
Me: I AM TRYING....
Myself: Good. Now, go sleep. You have to wake up early tomorrow.
Me: Uh...Good Night..Sleep Tight..Sweet Dreams...All the Night...
Myself:Take the blanket over...
Me:No..I have to sleep over...
Myself:Your wish...
Me:Where is the Blanket?
Myself: Right there...
Me:Fine.Good Night now...shit...Gotto make a call...
Myself: Not now..
Me:Please..
Myself: No..sleep...gotto wake up early...
Me:(made call..no one picked!)...ehhhhhhh........GOOD NIGHT.....
Myself: :)
Me: (dreaming)!!!




Peace!!!

Actually....

You lie so cutely, I don't even feel like breaking it to you that I know abt it.
IN FACT, I enjoy it!!!!! :D

That's the best part of it....

**music playing in the background (on radio...) while I write this.... Tum mile to jaadu chaa gaya....tum mile to jeena agaya...tum mile to maine paya h khuda............**

On a totally different note,
 Who breaks our heart???? One amongst us.... right????
And who can heal it with love and care???? Again one amongst us....
Our little world is so self-reliant. We only need to put together correct combinations...... But..... before you reach a state where you have all the correct combinations in the world you might get n(n-1)-n/2 incorrect ones, n being the number of hearts,
But the good news is there is an upper limit to the number of incorrections........

In short, hope prevails.....let it.....

A Let-ter to LOVE...

Dear Love,

I hear you have been busy. I don't know if you know but you have recently visited (or in some case revisited) some of my friends and infected them with the affliction that they don't understand. How can they feel self assured with your presence in their life if they can't comprehend you?

If they can't find assurance themselves, they look towards their friends, ordinary people like me, who to say the least can only give them a third person's perspective on the whole issue. How can a third person give a perspective on how love should be? How can anyone define it? Isn't it unique to every two people who are or have ever been in love? The irony is that they think you have to be understood before they can embrace you, while it is the embrace that brings the understanding.

On another note, the more I hear of you, the more I wonder what makes you tick in the hearts of people. Why a person chooses another can never be fully explained by anyone, including the two souls involved. It'll be interesting to know your modus operandi some day. Why don't you write an autobiography and tell us your story?

Since I know what you mean to me, everything I have written here may be coloured with my experiences, no matter how much objectivity I try to retain in my words. But at the end, I know, you who none understands, will understand.

Yours Sincerely,

The Confused Reality

TRUST.........in RUST.........

In today's world where everything seems like a sham, trust has become a rare commodity... its very difficult to find someone to trust and its equally difficult to find someone who trusts you. So its obviously not just rare but valuable too. Or maybe not. Especially when its broken and assaulted by the very few people who you consider close to your heart.

Now all this jazzy shit aside, I wonder how one person starts believing or trusting the other. What is it that makes you trust someone? What is it that makes you accept that person without questioning their intentions?

Its like an extreme adventure sport, you don’t know what you are getting in to till you come out all fine, or otherwise for that matter. You expose the most vulnerable feelings, emotions, secrets and all that stuff - with full confidence in that person that it wont come back to haunt you. Unknowingly and unintentionally, you are gearing other people to take advantage of you... while you expect and believe that it wont happen.

Now why do we humans do that?? Like why do we believe that someone is good enough to be "THAT" person who will keep your trust safe and will not break it at the drop of a hat??

Neat - ain't it... like a vicious circle - unless u fall, u will not know if the person you "TRUST" will save you. But unless you trust someone, you wont try falling... and if that trust is broken, you will fall n hurt pretty effectively.

So when do you know that someone is not being a friend or depending on you as a friend, but is instead manipulating your trust in them? Where do you draw that line and say - till u don cross that line, I will not let my ego rise but beyond this line, its my self respect that I must save? Is there really something like a selfless friendship or is it just a myth... cuz then we all should stick only to people who care and love us back equally. NO???

Results and Emotions..........

Yep!! result came...after a much wait.....infact me n a friend were just discussing about the date of result's announcement and just after a while we came to know that result have actually came..........
Finally....Became an engineer.............a graduate........................
umm........got 82%...expected around 84%...thanks to my HOD....he didnt gave our project enough marks....reason........



REWIND BACK...........
A day of our Project presentation.........
Since morning we guys were waiting for our turn....our was the last roll no thats too in second section B......
Firstly presentation of section A started at 9am.......our dear HOD was sitting and was screwing every kid....seeing each and every project in detail and with interest.....counting of section was about to reach the end...and HOD vanished for lunch or meeting or whatever at 1pm
No probs...it was quite a relaxation for may students...as teacher superseded and things flighted again at 02pm.....section A got completed....section B started and things were under control no pressure at until HOD arrived at 4:50pm..........just 3 rnoz. before ours.........
We all went under the hyper-tension...he started pin pointing mistakes...in the third last rno. project file...which could have been ignored as most of the students did the same things....My heart-beat started off like a rajdhani express.....I was feeling so cold...even though...the AC of our Computer lab never worked...I could still feeling chilly.......

Next roll no. went off....and just because he had a introduction of 2 page...instead of 1.5 page...he was asked to leave....at that very moment I got that sinking feeling....my partner was supportive but we both knew what was coming.....
4:55pm.....our turn.......nervously we wished our HOD good evening...even in the depths I was knowing it isn't good.....rather its far away from good.........its going to be the worse then ever..........I was praying that he might just disappear...or I get invisible........while thinking this at back of my mind...I sat just before him with my partner.... The very next words even proved it when he said those lines to a teacher near by..."how many students are left...wined up quickly...I haven't had lunch...its about to be 5:00 pm... I have to go back home..."


 I knew the worst has come...he's gonna take us off in a hip-nip and their goes the tonnes of toil and hard work and sleepless nights of my innocent partner...(you might be thinking why only my partner...that part will come later....) so when the teacher said "these are the only ones left (to be eaten up...)"....With his "Dracula Smile" " he asked the title of the project and he didn't even saw the file leave alone the project....and said some blah blah...and finally asked us to leave........I saw the clock.............dot 5:00pm.....I just felt like saying that F word for him...bloody loser.....

Just because he has to go home...we who were waiting since morning were just skipped in few seconds........
Then...what I came out was a saddest face and the blame game started between me and my partner....what was next...I was saw afraid that my 150 no. of project has gone off to the coffin....and all my anger got loose on my partner...even though he was the one who was feeling hurt..as it was all his work..he had spend days n nights on it....and I was just their for the namesake.....This feeling left me with intense abash....why was I blaming him...when there was only one person to be blamed....the one who wanted to risk our noz....just because it was 5:00pm...all the matter to him was to go home...........Bullshit on him......
I gathered up myself.....wiped the tears off my face...and put on the masked portrait smile....to make up to my partner....who needed the support more than me......

 Then the drama of searching for an approach followed....but all in vain...my partner...even got one....but I haven't got any...and I keep on taunting him on that....I know I shouldn't have...I didn't deserved any of it....But, I was doing it for no damn good reason...It was not ME....it was not me being all selfish.....no just ME......cannot be ME...............


PRESENT TIME.....
Anyways....time passed...and the result came...I was not happy with 82%... I was expecting around 84%....I saw my noz........all theory paper were superb...all the practical scores were good...but my project................got just 113....from the the rest of the class which scored anything b/w 130 to 147... just 20 no. more which could be easily achieved...if the HOD wanted......but....kick his butt....
Neways......Then I saw my partner's noz.........shit man........even he got the same 113....... no approach worked.........at that moment I remembered all the taunting and all the blames i throwed on him...for no good reason.....That moment I felt that "kash uski approach lag gayi hoti...he actually deserved it......"
But as they say....
words once said cannot be taken back...so use them well.............and use them wisely....

Even now I feel like crying...but I'll not...I just don't want to talk to anyone...I want just me.......and someone to listen...but this was no time to pour yourself out...as everyone is going to their own set of emotions.....
Thanks to the rains....they came down just in time for me.........
Seriously...m in love with rains...they fill you right through............................
Thanks to the Blog....it is better to have with you...when u actually want to have a someone to listen...It doesn't judge you...nor make faces...nor give advices...it just takes in what ever you write..............................
Whatever.......I completed my degree and I'm finally a Graduate....Its a BIG DAY...........and finally , happy..............Muaaaaaaaah.........

In short....Krishn ji ka lakh lakh dhanyawad..........since i was not even expecting that much in project....and waise be...Bhagwan ji jo kuch be kartr h aache k liye hi krte h..as my muma say it............I learned my lesson..............................

Happy Blogging..........................,,. 

Finally... :) after such a sad post.........................m smiling full-tuk........ :))

P.S. Plz don't ask any question regarding this post..........I had to vent it out so I did.............BTW...m happy now...that what matters..........

I have Never....................

I have never had a slim waist....(I tried many a times though!!!)....I've never danced till my heart content.....I've never met a Big movie star..... I've never had make up on....I'v never built sand castles.....I'v never build even a snowman......I'v never worn pencil heels....I'v never had hard drinks....I'v never won a contenst on radio or t.v.....I'v never liked too fancy sounding food.... I'v never danced atop a table..... I'v never been to a club.... I'v never driven a car..... I'v never stayed home alone all night.....I'v never starved myself (like d'oh).....I'v never swim in sea....I'v never been teacher's pet....I'v never stayed in a hospital.....I'v never had perfect hairs....I'v never made a good sketch...I'v never painted my nails with vague colors.... I'v never gone trekking.....I'v never got married...I'v never gone hunting....I'v never gone fishing.....I'v never been on a real ship.....I'v never seen a live match.... I'v never gotten stuck in an elevator with someone.....I'v never witnessed a fairytale.... I'v never gone rolling downhill on grass..... I'v never been abroad.....I'v never been to the southernmost tip of India...... I'v never topped a class..... I'v never had pets....I'v never worn a real short dress..... I'v never punched or hit someone.....I'v never felt extremely intelligent..... I'v never done black magic......I'v never been fitted in my sister's clothes....I'v never been able to finish my lunch on time....I'v never shouted at top of my voice....I'v never been too funny..... I'v never watched f.r.i.e.n.d.s..... I'v never stayed in an old mansion..... I'v never seen a gun for real.....I'v never coloured my hair....I'v never seen a dog eat homework.....

See! You, me and us. We'r ordinary people. Never must you feel that your life has been a black and white boring movie. Because, have no fear, Upasana is here. Her movie is an Oscar nominee for the black and white boring movie category :) Smile now.


But, I may have never done this that, but I have made people their ownselves with me.... I'm content :))


PS: If you wish to do this as a post on your blog, I won't call you a copy cat. Go ahead. Spread my awesomeness. Wheeeee!