Toast....

... to today that feels like new pleasant first day of Spring...

... to the perfectly imperfect girl who wants change...

... to Ma for all the nagging and that morning’s inadvertant push...which has been fruitful now....

... to the crap song that I seem to like....

... to the new lifestyle-denoting acronym which isn’t one anymore....

... to the rediscovered colouring book and my poems....

... to the starred email in my inbox, typed with “Infy”....

... to the “bestest” friend who should be on a gondola at sunset under the Bridge of Sighs right now...

... to the recharge battery who owes me a big hot chocolate fudge for this...

... to the “full-time friend”, my telepathic co-pilot with the Midnight Phone Call syndrome...

... to 2 o’ clock nights...
I offer no explanation, but I am very kicked, zinged,verved....
I’ve wanted to start afresh for a very long time....

So, I do...all garbage OUT...

Why Grass is Greener on other Side...

Food for thought...
So this long break has been pretty relaxing.... I have had the time to give some thought to things i wouldn't otherwise think about..maybe..I don't know...

I have often heard people (me being among those people) whine and complain about how the grass is always greener on the other side..is it really the case though???maybe???? I don't know...
When i was younger...much younger..say about 7 or 8 I would look at my parents and my elder sibling and want to be grown up...now I am 21...grown up, most people would agree....Is this really what i wanted when I was little? All these responsibilities and independence? At this point i think i would give a hand and a leg to go back to being 5 or 6 or even younger. Not have a worry in the world, get away with anything I do cause everyone else thinks it is cute...would't that be wonderful????

School....as I started to understand things...My dreamworld broke into pieces...I always disliked school for that initally...those big boring assemblies...those tests....P.T. sessions....ehhh....I hated the fact that I had to read the history book...then those big chemistry books later...uhh...I never wish to hold these books again in my life...But, as the years part by I started to enjoy the school....the teachers...the canteen rounds..those amazing group of friends whom you never wish to leave....On the farewell day...when I came back home...when I actually felt...its going to be over....At that point, I would give anything to just be in school forever....to be with those kind of friends forever...

Then my parents decided to send me to college and hostel followed.... I hated it when i was there. Couldn't wait to get the hell out of hostel that we often compared to a jail.... We hated the food, hated the routein, hated the warden, hated almost everything that was associated with it other than our friends. Finally I graduated this year and then I remember crying like the world was ending.... Suddenly the food seemed to be the best food ever, the teachers, our support system and friends of course are the best friends we will ever make....

Then for the last three months all I have ever wanted was to go back to hostel.... Its the same feeling of not wanting to grow up that I had when i left school.... I love it and I miss everything about the chats, the food, the music, the parties, the hang outs, the teachers, friends...everything, yet it seems like I could do with another year or two... I think it may be that I am not ready to let go....cause I don't know when I will ever see them again.... I am not trying to justify why I feel the way I feel rather i am just wondering if the grass once again seems to be greener on the other side...

That being said, I'm yet to have a job with Infosys and I have a year commitment to the corps, ofcourse if the training goes all gaga....eventhough its my dream job...again all I ever want to do is not to leave home and go off to Karnataka for months....knowing the fact that I might not be able to see some most b'utiful faces for a lifetime... Though, I know that when my commitment to the corps is over I will not want to leave.... My job will be tedious and I'll complain a lot about it but going by the record do I'll really want this to be over and to move on??? I am not sure...

Earlier this year when I was close to graduating I needed to figure out my life so I was looking for jobs and applying to different places on net... But as far by now you have even known, I was convinced that when I did find a job it would be very likely that I wouldn't want it.... In that case then it would be much simpler to just not stress about finding a job and figuring out my life since when I would have it i would not want it???? Yet i couldn't just not stress about it coz at that point in time thats all i wanted...isn't that ironic?

So, coming to think of it we humans are really silly...we spend our entire life running behind things we think we want yet when we have it we realize that that is not what we want.... In this quest for one things after another we fail to appreciate what we have some much beautiful colors at hand...happiness, relationships, friendships, our roots and the values that come with it..what not. How many times have we been there for a friend? How many times have we appreciated what we have that millions don't? How many times have we been thankful for a new day? How many times have we tolerated non sense from people that shouldn't matter yet paid no heed to those that care and in turn let go of a friendship, or a relationship? I may be be able to count these on one hand alone yet I have lost count of how often I have chased something I wanted and then not been happy when I have had it....
Appreciate and be thankful....

Thanks for reading...I appreciate your patience... :D

Actually....

You lie so cutely, I don't even feel like breaking it to you that I know abt it.
IN FACT, I enjoy it!!!!! :D

That's the best part of it....

**music playing in the background (on radio...) while I write this.... Tum mile to jaadu chaa gaya....tum mile to jeena agaya...tum mile to maine paya h khuda............**

On a totally different note,
 Who breaks our heart???? One amongst us.... right????
And who can heal it with love and care???? Again one amongst us....
Our little world is so self-reliant. We only need to put together correct combinations...... But..... before you reach a state where you have all the correct combinations in the world you might get n(n-1)-n/2 incorrect ones, n being the number of hearts,
But the good news is there is an upper limit to the number of incorrections........

In short, hope prevails.....let it.....

A Let-ter to LOVE...

Dear Love,

I hear you have been busy. I don't know if you know but you have recently visited (or in some case revisited) some of my friends and infected them with the affliction that they don't understand. How can they feel self assured with your presence in their life if they can't comprehend you?

If they can't find assurance themselves, they look towards their friends, ordinary people like me, who to say the least can only give them a third person's perspective on the whole issue. How can a third person give a perspective on how love should be? How can anyone define it? Isn't it unique to every two people who are or have ever been in love? The irony is that they think you have to be understood before they can embrace you, while it is the embrace that brings the understanding.

On another note, the more I hear of you, the more I wonder what makes you tick in the hearts of people. Why a person chooses another can never be fully explained by anyone, including the two souls involved. It'll be interesting to know your modus operandi some day. Why don't you write an autobiography and tell us your story?

Since I know what you mean to me, everything I have written here may be coloured with my experiences, no matter how much objectivity I try to retain in my words. But at the end, I know, you who none understands, will understand.

Yours Sincerely,

The Confused Reality

Tere Bin Friends.........

Memories are not just individual's ability to retain n recall information....it is more then that....Memories stuck for a lifetime,they drag you for a lifetime....More you try to de-attach yourself,they always comeback to you in the most unexpected form...

With Frienship Day just gone by...I sat down with the pictures of My Friendship days making there way in my mind.....when I was actually with my friends....wheather it was in school or college...It has always been amazing...having fun all together....those Bikanar parties during school....those canteen hang outs in school and  college...those b'day bashes...those talks...those hostel....mess...those games in hostel.....those pranks...those bunking of classes...those proxies....those prayers before result..those never ending talks...umm...so much went off.....I actually thought that we were having fun...but now I know...we were making memories....

Memories to cherish...to love .... to relive...to cry with...to laugh on...to make you sad...to make you smile.......They make you sad,happy,gloomy or crabby...but surely they leave silent footprints on your subconsciousness...They help you rejoice in other people's good fortunes,they even withdraw you from your own fortunes....

Seriously it seems so difficult...when you spend years together in one place...called school...with friends...who did those unspoken promises of staying together....and then you had your farewell in school...and then..making making new friends in college and try to cement old friendships....and then...you thought this will never end....but ...again a farewell....
Memories.......ah......they are like providing a permanence of an ice cube in the desert of loneliness....at the same time Memories are like having your fav dish with bucketful of salt, pepper and chilly powder....

Today, it has been almost two months...since I have seen many of my dear friends....yep...we due talk but...presence matters...those smiles...those expressions...those eyes...those pranks...life is miserable without Friends...
Sometimes...when I see those pictures.....It seem just yesterday...when I was there with them.....smiling with all those people whom I had loved to be with always.......they are so fresh and pure....those Memories will remain till the  time called Forever........

13 Random things About Me!!!

"About Me".... if asked in an interview I would definitely drench my mind thinking what the interviewer wants to hear.... But...actually what About Me.... I often found it difficult to answer this question.... what we all say....I'm 21 years...studies this that...and all that traditional blah blah.......But still we need to discover many things about ourselves....Here is my try!!!

Why 13.... well I'm born on 13th and many things are attached to it...which I'll probably write some other day...for the time being..."13 random things ABOUT ME"

1. I absolutly love my family...Indeed, God has choosen the best for me...I couldn't have ask for anything better than this!!!

Love u Ma, Pa and Di...

2.I adore my girlfriends and nothing can dare change that....There are certain things that only girls can understand eventhough most of my friends are men...and they are the best thing that have happen to me....

3.I think I'm independent...But I don't do a thing without telling it to ma or di or any of my friend....That's the way I'm...

4.I love to be pampered...I'm emotionally quite high-maintainance...I don't demand diamonds or presents...for that matter not even chocolates or flowers...All I want is time and attention...

5.I'm religious and spiritual but hate it when its imposed on me!!! 

6.If time and money are not a problem...I'll Love to explore the world...length to breadth...and do craziest of adventures.........

7.Now a days..I can stay up all night writting, watching movies doing whatever but when i have to study i feel like staying up is the hardest thing to do. I probably wake up early in the morning to hole those books........

8.Gold.........eheh.....I just don't like it....agree that old is Gold...but Gold is so old....u might think...Diamonds...but Diamonds are not my best friends atleast....

9.I try to prepare myself for the worst in every situation...that's a pessimist in me....but I have a firm belive in the Almighty... In short, I'm a "Opssimist"...

10.I hate it when people are upset because of me or at me. It drives me nuts and in my attempt to have them not mad at me or because of me i tend to get on their nerves, i think....

11. I get attached very easily and have a heartache later on... Thats a bad bad bad thing. I wish everytime i said "I dont care" i really didn't care but its just the opposite :(

12. I love my school...am glad my parents send me there...my college..well it was a trailer of the real world...

13.Thanks to my last visit to Barista...I have developed a fetish for good coffee...no doubt I'm a gourmet....

umm.................still not all....one can never have enough of one's ownself....

To sum up....I like to be free as a bird and intrepid like a lioness...but  at the same time I'm very integrated and grounded...I'm an Ambivert an Aquarian with a difference.......

.

Happy reading....... :)