Regret......

Sometimes in life we become so blindfolded about things that we love and run after, that we forget to see in what ways is it corrupting us……and at the end of it all, we never find the things we were actually running after, because it was never ours anyway, but we end up becoming something that we were actually not.

So one fine day when we realize that a wild goose chase has done us no good, it has infact consumed all our energy and vibrancy, it has made us do bad to people who actually cared, who were there with us all along, but we never noticed them because we took them for granted in this maddening chase, we realize that they all have already moved too far, and you are left with nothing, no energy, vibrancy or trust from people who actually cared.

So what do you do then?

Apologize to people whom you have hurt badly?

That won’t be the solution I guess…..

the best thing possible that could be done now is to pave the way that you broke while running, putting each stone step by step, making sure that nobody ever falls again from the road of trust that you have built.

And maybe that would be the best thing that you could do for people who actually cared.

Amen!!

A Look Back...

I'm currently suffering from this typhoid fever... A blessing in disguise is... I got time to sit and think about myself... Something I rarely do.. reasons well, are unknown... What I actually realized while gazing on the cupola of my room, lying on the bed is.. Girl, you are gonna be 25 in just next 2 years!!!

OMG...

It just seemed that my life just flied by so fast that I hardly had time to catch my breath...There is an old saying that you need to "stop and smell the roses" and it is so true. The first ten years of my life as I reflect on them took forever to pass... I don't have clue of the world life... all mattered was family, friends, toys....
The next five passed a little quicker and the next five just vanished...

Now I find myself thinking about the years I have left and I don't want to waste them.... None of us have promised bouquets for tomorrow or even kisses for today...

Think about all the hours we waste on saying stupid hurtful things to our loved ones (and why, are we just tired?). Think about the hours and days we waste on TV or selfish things that steal time from our families or our walk with the Lord. Actually, nothing is wrong with some "me" time as long as "you" don't forget who "me" is...

Sometimes...A look back is required, in order to realize... how far you have come!! :P

Brief Catch up!!!

Hello!

I've been having a little siesta from blogger lately. I've been suffering from what we all know as "disappearance". Actually almost 1.5 years, since the last time I wrote... I had too much to write to share but I guess there was this "writers block" or more like blogger's block! It's been hard to know what to write about lately...
When you have so much to write...you have to actually "word" your thoughts!  So, after an 1.5 years-wala long break, am back with a zillion thoughts to share!! :)

Stay Tuned!! :)

13 * 3 Things AT-TAG-ED

I was tagged by one of my dear friends to do this... So, here it  goes....

* 3 Famous Names of Mine: Upa (people in my family n some of my closest friends call me by that name); Upii (another family name!!), Upasi (only my pa call me by that name, when he’s utterly happy with me!)

* 3 Things that make me Smile: Sweet nothings, Music and swinging on Swings… :)

* 3 Things that I Love: Paranthas, Coconut Water, Ice-cream… (All for one amazing reason!!!)

* 3 Things I don't understand: Financial stuff (my dad's tried explaining more times than i can count), why people are so pseudo, Loopy talks…

* 3 Things I like about myself: Patience, Adaptiveness and love for Life …

* 3 Things I can't do: Shout out loud, refuse my mom and face some truths (ironic!!!)….

* 3 Things that Scare Me: Umm…. I guess its Darkness (thanks to horror movies that I love to watch…hehe…), Sudden Shocks (they kill your several heartbeats…) and Dramatic sounding Diseases (ehhhh…..)

* 3 Things I think you should listen to: Bollywood oldies (they are the most soulful numbers), Music on my playlist (towards top right), your heart…

* 3 Shows I watched as a Kid: Tom & Jerry (still do…sometimes!!!), Scooby Doo, and Flintstones (loved it)…

* 3 Things I want in a Relationship: Trust, Togetherness and Talks…

* 3 Things of the Opposite Sex that appeal to me: Intelligence, Confidence, Decency…

* 3 Favorite Fictitious Characters: Vito Corleone, Forrest Gump, Dumbledore...

* 3 Things I hate about myself: Laziness, resultant weight gain and my stupid thoughts…

huh....Finally over.... :p

Why Grass is Greener on other Side...

Food for thought...
So this long break has been pretty relaxing.... I have had the time to give some thought to things i wouldn't otherwise think about..maybe..I don't know...

I have often heard people (me being among those people) whine and complain about how the grass is always greener on the other side..is it really the case though???maybe???? I don't know...
When i was younger...much younger..say about 7 or 8 I would look at my parents and my elder sibling and want to be grown up...now I am 21...grown up, most people would agree....Is this really what i wanted when I was little? All these responsibilities and independence? At this point i think i would give a hand and a leg to go back to being 5 or 6 or even younger. Not have a worry in the world, get away with anything I do cause everyone else thinks it is cute...would't that be wonderful????

School....as I started to understand things...My dreamworld broke into pieces...I always disliked school for that initally...those big boring assemblies...those tests....P.T. sessions....ehhh....I hated the fact that I had to read the history book...then those big chemistry books later...uhh...I never wish to hold these books again in my life...But, as the years part by I started to enjoy the school....the teachers...the canteen rounds..those amazing group of friends whom you never wish to leave....On the farewell day...when I came back home...when I actually felt...its going to be over....At that point, I would give anything to just be in school forever....to be with those kind of friends forever...

Then my parents decided to send me to college and hostel followed.... I hated it when i was there. Couldn't wait to get the hell out of hostel that we often compared to a jail.... We hated the food, hated the routein, hated the warden, hated almost everything that was associated with it other than our friends. Finally I graduated this year and then I remember crying like the world was ending.... Suddenly the food seemed to be the best food ever, the teachers, our support system and friends of course are the best friends we will ever make....

Then for the last three months all I have ever wanted was to go back to hostel.... Its the same feeling of not wanting to grow up that I had when i left school.... I love it and I miss everything about the chats, the food, the music, the parties, the hang outs, the teachers, friends...everything, yet it seems like I could do with another year or two... I think it may be that I am not ready to let go....cause I don't know when I will ever see them again.... I am not trying to justify why I feel the way I feel rather i am just wondering if the grass once again seems to be greener on the other side...

That being said, I'm yet to have a job with Infosys and I have a year commitment to the corps, ofcourse if the training goes all gaga....eventhough its my dream job...again all I ever want to do is not to leave home and go off to Karnataka for months....knowing the fact that I might not be able to see some most b'utiful faces for a lifetime... Though, I know that when my commitment to the corps is over I will not want to leave.... My job will be tedious and I'll complain a lot about it but going by the record do I'll really want this to be over and to move on??? I am not sure...

Earlier this year when I was close to graduating I needed to figure out my life so I was looking for jobs and applying to different places on net... But as far by now you have even known, I was convinced that when I did find a job it would be very likely that I wouldn't want it.... In that case then it would be much simpler to just not stress about finding a job and figuring out my life since when I would have it i would not want it???? Yet i couldn't just not stress about it coz at that point in time thats all i wanted...isn't that ironic?

So, coming to think of it we humans are really silly...we spend our entire life running behind things we think we want yet when we have it we realize that that is not what we want.... In this quest for one things after another we fail to appreciate what we have some much beautiful colors at hand...happiness, relationships, friendships, our roots and the values that come with it..what not. How many times have we been there for a friend? How many times have we appreciated what we have that millions don't? How many times have we been thankful for a new day? How many times have we tolerated non sense from people that shouldn't matter yet paid no heed to those that care and in turn let go of a friendship, or a relationship? I may be be able to count these on one hand alone yet I have lost count of how often I have chased something I wanted and then not been happy when I have had it....
Appreciate and be thankful....

Thanks for reading...I appreciate your patience... :D

Never ending ladder...

The ladder....be it any ladder..a ladder to success...a ladder of worries...whatever kind of ladder you may talk...you'll agree when I say that Ladder never ends... As we climb up rungs and live under the illusion or fallacy that we’ve secured one more victory in life, we look towards sky and realize the ladder just got longer, the end somewhere out of sight, beyond the clouds… Sky is a limit but then you wish to cross it to...but that's being optimist...
Actually, all your life we can keep climbing the ladder in the quest to reach the top and never get there! This can be perceived in two ways – the optimist’s dream and the pessimist’s nightmare. The optimist sees this as ambition – a way to push oneself towards achieving more and more. The pessimist knows that this means being insatiable – never satisfied with what one has in life....but that's life...choose it anyway...

While on the way up, a hand may be extended at us for help. Grab it and help, because one good turn deserves another. Once we are higher, we might need a helping hand ourself. It is also true that at every rung scaled, a mad multitude of hands will crop out of nowhere to rip, drag & pummel us down somewhere sometime...
Also we all know that, the success of one indeed poisons the minds of many. While many take joy in the success of one, there are others who do not think of how to replicate such success for themselves but plot how to displace the one who’s higher up somewhere on the ladder. Terminally, the seeds of misery are sown & the chalice of woe tipped over. No one emerges a winner. But in the Almighty’s courtyard, there will be justice for all. For one cannot wage a war against one’s destiny, and what is fated to happen shall play itself out.
But the lesson needs to be learnt - Survival is not the sole mantra. Surviving peacefully, with contentment ,without malice towards others is! And this will give you what no amount of wealth or fame can provide – adoration & respect of loved ones and the greatest treasure of them all – Happiness...
Therefore, live the optimist’s dream....

Keep Climbing...Keep Shining...Keep Smiling... :)

Linear Expansion Coefficient == 5

Meme...yup! some more about me stuff...just got Tagged by my niece Timtimmi....she is a sparkle of eyes of everyone...so I got to actually include it here....Again an About-Me session...phew!!
The title would be justified as you go further...its a linearly equated 5

5 things found in my bag
Er, I don’t carry my bag anywhere except when am not wearing jeans or I have to go shopping, so there’s nothing very interesting in it.

• Water Bottle - a must as my ma says...
•  Probably,Book which I am currently reading...
• Hanky- another must from ma...
• Money...
• Sometimes Pen, Notebook, Kajal or others useless stuff....

5 favourite things in my room

• The Silver Man- My Presently acquired HP G-62
• The Old Man – My Compu...My desktop presently ill... 
• The little Man – My Phone...
• The Man with views – My showcase...My cards...gifts..memories...
• The Man's home - A cute little hut...my piggy bank...on a verge to bankrupt!!!

5 things I have always wanted to do

• Get the long hairs....I die to have them... 
• Loose some kilos and inches...cummon man! not a big thing...
• Take ma pa on a World tour...
• Taste very damn good vegetarian recipie of the world...
• Own a big comfy car with my own salary!!

5 things I am currently into

• Home Hons.
• Some TOC and Let us C
• The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
• English Songs and Oldies goldies of Bollywood
• Blogging and Fb

5 things I torture

• Myself...hehe
• My pages and pen....I write so much wrongs... ;)
• My friends... I always have something to eat their knee caps with!!
• My Fb status tag  box
• My Room...the last thing I wish to do is to Clean my room....its my mess and I Love it..

I hope my cutipie is all twinkling now...


Happily tagged!!! :P

Recently Found...

TOP THREE WAYS TO BECOME FAMOUS........


In (vastly) decreasing order of effectiveness...

1.Be crazy.

2.Be bad.

3.Be good.

And this led me to this realization. I often hear that it's a crazy world. I am joining that club...

You are even welcome to join in........

RANDOM...

Childhood…well, my childhood was amazing… caring and most adorable parents…protective elder sister…when I still look at those photographs I can make out that everyone in the family loved me from the very start…I myself remember some foggy images of that times…seriously childhood was fun… when what you care the most in the world is for your ma’s arms, your father’s shoulder and dancing with your sister, having your beloveds around always to pamper you…


My grandmother was the most generous lady I ever saw…I have never even saw getting more older… just few white hairs and some wrinkles as I remembered…always hymning some bhajan which was melodious indeed…but the lyrics seemed so tough I never cared to remember them though… but she always tried with a kind smile to teach us the verse… I have seen for years like this simply beautiful…may be people used to bless her with such prayers… she was one of her kind…

When she expired I was so tender to know what had happened…. Why everyone around was crying… I was crying just because ma was crying… I actually couldn’t understand that thing at that moment…I understand it now and it’s very sad…

I saw none like her now…she was wonderful….

I never said her but I guess...she would have known… I love u… we all do…

Me v/s Myself

Happened before the dream last night...battle of me's and my'selves...

Me: I am tired....
Myself:  No, it is just the Monsoon humidity doing rounds...
Me: But it never happened to me before...
Myself: Yes, sitting in front of the computer without any exercise can do that to you...
Me: I should exercise! go to walk....

Myself: I have heard that one before, more than once actually!
Me: I think I will wake up early tomorrow...
Myself: LOL.
Me: I will. I am going to sleep early...
Myself: Just to exercise or for walking??
Me: No. I have to study too.
Myself: Oh yes, I almost forgot to remind you that your big day is less than 3 months away.
Me: I haven't forgotten but I have just not been able to make the time...(smug)
Myself: It is convenient to make reasons...
Me: Ok, I know I have been a loser.
Myself: But it is not too late. Don't give up in the  last lap....
Me: I am trying.....
Myself: No, you are not but you should. I know I can!
Me: Oh, in all this hopelessness, I have something to look forward to....
Myself: Going to shopping!!
Me: It might just be the break I need. But not exactly it...
Myself: Its meeting friend/s...nah...its confusia...
Me: What is the first thing you think I should do?
Myself: Get your priorities right.
Me: Ok, don't be so mean...

Myself: Isn't it hardwired in me?
Me: Yeah, yeah, but I want it no more now.
Myself: I will try not to be rude if you stick to our word.
Me: I AM TRYING....
Myself: Good. Now, go sleep. You have to wake up early tomorrow.
Me: Uh...Good Night..Sleep Tight..Sweet Dreams...All the Night...
Myself:Take the blanket over...
Me:No..I have to sleep over...
Myself:Your wish...
Me:Where is the Blanket?
Myself: Right there...
Me:Fine.Good Night now...shit...Gotto make a call...
Myself: Not now..
Me:Please..
Myself: No..sleep...gotto wake up early...
Me:(made call..no one picked!)...ehhhhhhh........GOOD NIGHT.....
Myself: :)
Me: (dreaming)!!!




Peace!!!

In Love with Ghost....

This one is strictly inspired by an unusual dream I had last night...yup!!! I dreamed of a Ghost...and the funniest part...I was in Love with Him/It (whatever....)...
In the late morning today...I actually thought how it will be to be in love with a Ghost...(like in movie Paheli...which I saw last weekend...on tv) and finally this is what I got from the thought....

Pros:
1. The best part....Your parents can never catch you with him, leave alone the aunties or uncles (whom you might not know but they can find you anywhere among thousands of people)...  because all he has to do is disappear....
2. Body odour and bad breath is NEVER an issue...
3. You don't have to worry about your love getting hurt in an accident (ghost -> already dead).
4. No problems with punctuality from your sweetsoul's end (no heart, remember)....
5. You don't need to be afraid of the dark anymore, your love's got excellent night vision...
6." Think of me, and I'll be there" really works in this case...
7. The 'walking through walls' ability saves you a lot of trouble when you lock yourself...
8. Always giving you small appearing surprises...
9. Can come to meet you anytime of day...and even in night... ;)
10.Even death cannot do you apart...

Cons:
1. Serious lack of privacy...
2. Lack of physical presence...
3. Cannot be introduced to your parents / friends / relatives / boss...
4. Annoying disappearing act in the middle of heated arguments...
5. Can't go for long walks during the day...
6. Can't play hide n seek...
7. You would never know if he's cheating on you, because he'd never smell of another woman's perfume...hehe...
8. You can't exactly break up, especially if he isn't willing to....
9. Poses a serious threat to your next lover....
10. Always worried about him passing over to the next world....


umm...what else is left to say..


Happy Ghosting.. :)

Actually....

You lie so cutely, I don't even feel like breaking it to you that I know abt it.
IN FACT, I enjoy it!!!!! :D

That's the best part of it....

**music playing in the background (on radio...) while I write this.... Tum mile to jaadu chaa gaya....tum mile to jeena agaya...tum mile to maine paya h khuda............**

On a totally different note,
 Who breaks our heart???? One amongst us.... right????
And who can heal it with love and care???? Again one amongst us....
Our little world is so self-reliant. We only need to put together correct combinations...... But..... before you reach a state where you have all the correct combinations in the world you might get n(n-1)-n/2 incorrect ones, n being the number of hearts,
But the good news is there is an upper limit to the number of incorrections........

In short, hope prevails.....let it.....

I have Never....................

I have never had a slim waist....(I tried many a times though!!!)....I've never danced till my heart content.....I've never met a Big movie star..... I've never had make up on....I'v never built sand castles.....I'v never build even a snowman......I'v never worn pencil heels....I'v never had hard drinks....I'v never won a contenst on radio or t.v.....I'v never liked too fancy sounding food.... I'v never danced atop a table..... I'v never been to a club.... I'v never driven a car..... I'v never stayed home alone all night.....I'v never starved myself (like d'oh).....I'v never swim in sea....I'v never been teacher's pet....I'v never stayed in a hospital.....I'v never had perfect hairs....I'v never made a good sketch...I'v never painted my nails with vague colors.... I'v never gone trekking.....I'v never got married...I'v never gone hunting....I'v never gone fishing.....I'v never been on a real ship.....I'v never seen a live match.... I'v never gotten stuck in an elevator with someone.....I'v never witnessed a fairytale.... I'v never gone rolling downhill on grass..... I'v never been abroad.....I'v never been to the southernmost tip of India...... I'v never topped a class..... I'v never had pets....I'v never worn a real short dress..... I'v never punched or hit someone.....I'v never felt extremely intelligent..... I'v never done black magic......I'v never been fitted in my sister's clothes....I'v never been able to finish my lunch on time....I'v never shouted at top of my voice....I'v never been too funny..... I'v never watched f.r.i.e.n.d.s..... I'v never stayed in an old mansion..... I'v never seen a gun for real.....I'v never coloured my hair....I'v never seen a dog eat homework.....

See! You, me and us. We'r ordinary people. Never must you feel that your life has been a black and white boring movie. Because, have no fear, Upasana is here. Her movie is an Oscar nominee for the black and white boring movie category :) Smile now.


But, I may have never done this that, but I have made people their ownselves with me.... I'm content :))


PS: If you wish to do this as a post on your blog, I won't call you a copy cat. Go ahead. Spread my awesomeness. Wheeeee!

Rain Rain Come again...

Temme.... what could be more perfect on Saturday Morning..... Weekend on, Cool Breeze blowing,  Trees swinging... You hear rain pouring while you are still twisting in your bed making your mind to get up....but with a smile... a smile of knowing yep! it will be beautiful day!!!
So, finally up and fresh....having a bowl full of hot daliya...(oops!! cuppa is missing!! not so perfect uh? r u thinking that....well lemme tell u den rains are all about surprises!!) Umm....hot stream of daliya going down the food pipe and just then the cool breeze give an embrace....shivers go down your spine....making u giggle...

After being quite amused with the showers,I saw through my window.... greenry of trees.... kids getting wet in rains....their mums worried... People at their balconies talking sweet nothings with their loved ones...
Then I saw the street children....smiling with the drop of rains....glittering  eyes...as if it says...its the best way to live your day...away from overrefinement of life... Rains brought smile to them.....Indeed monsoon makes every one smile....

But...but...something was incomplete....yepp.........how can anyone keep oneself away from these sprinkling streams of showers...Not me atleast....I drop the daliya (the beauty of rains bind so much that you forget even the hottest of things...;)...)went on the roof....and let the rain drops do their work on me..... beautiful.....
but that's not all.....rains without some fun...are a big NO NO!!!.... so ....just went down....took my niece and nephew along...and then....smaaaaaaaaassssssssh........ in the rain pool..... I tell u its nothing like dancing in the rain....jumping in those rain pools....throwing ganda paani on each other.......

Rains are not to be seen from the Windowpane.....
I know rain makes still pools on the side-walks....It makes running pools in the gutter...But it also makes little sleep-song on roof at night....And it does bring that Smile...
So throw away those umbrellas and  go out and feel it....

Happy Appie Rain Dancing!!!